Radio Theory Causes Commotion

GOLDEN SPIKE, MONTANA – Buttery biscuits were thrown and voices were raised in anger at last month’s meeting of the Gold Diggers Amateur Radio Club. According to witnesses, the proceedings turned tense after the Treasurer’s report as Club president Lou Rodden’s brother-in-law presented the monthly program.

Visiting from Square Butte Township, Nebraska, Mike Yuness told the group he has developed a technique which will “revolutionize radio broadcasting.”

The amateur geologist and ham radio operator says he’s come up with a way to ionize the Earth’s molten core of magma and use it to send radio signals to the far corners of the globe.

As members lunched on braised beef tips and unlimited onion rings, Yuness raised the question: “Why go around the earth…when you can go through it?”

He describes his technique as a “cross between spark gap and digital,” but declined to elaborate due to what he described as “very costly and ongoing patent infringement issues which must be resolved at great expense.”

Yuness stated emphatically that ham operators thousands of miles away will be able to communicate “…using nothing more than common grounding rods.”

As the hams looked on, club member Junior Brown bolted from his chair yelling, “You’re a liar!” and shaking a fist while throwing a basket of cloverleaf rolls at the presenter with the other hand.

Brown – who makes a comfortable living selling HF antennas made from recycled lawn chairs – says Yuness is only trying to collect money for his GoFundMe account and has no credible facts to back up his ionized magma core theory.

Dodging the rolls, Yuness yelled, “I’ve had a number of heated exchanges about this topic in online forums, BUT I KNOW I’M CORRECT!”

Brown claims Yuness and Rodden want the GoFundMe money to pay for their next trip to the Dayton Hamvention in the spring.

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The Golden Spike Amateur Radio Club meetings on the third Thursday of the month in the private dining area of the Golden Corral on East Winchester Street. The public is invited to attend.

By WB0RUR, on the scene

### HamHijinks.com