Loner Has Exploratory Surgery To Fit In With Others On Net

By K5PO, on the scene

WASCATCHEE, Ind. – Canton Clark, 32, has always been a bit of a loner. As a kid he didn’t have many friends. As an adult, it hasn’t been much better. That is, until he found amateur radio.

“People just don’t like to talk to me in person. I’ve never understood why,” Clark says, with significant amounts of saliva flaring from his mouth toward this reporter’s face.

“But in amateur radio, folks have always been so welcoming. A CQ or two and I have a new buddy to chat with!” Clark says with a saturated smile.

Recently, Clark has enjoyed checking into the Telton Country, Indiana, Late Net on 40m SSB. “I started checking in around June last year, I suppose,” cites a sputtering Clark. “At first, we’d have some good chats. Some really great fun on the ‘Howdy Doody’ comment round!”

In November, after having his left lung removed, Net Control Station Billy “The Voice” Martins proposed a new round to the net where participants could share updates about recent surgeries and ailments. “It was a huge hit! We’ve never had so many check-ins!” said a jubilant Martins.

This was a disappointment to Clark. “I’ve had the terrible luck of being in perfect health! No pneumonia, no gall bladder removal… nothing!” Clark said with great sadness and a glisten of drool on his chin. Clark feels his exemplary health is driving a wedge between him and his net friends.

“Heck, just last week, Jack from West Blightington had his left leg amputated! His whole left leg! Can you imagine the stories he’ll tell! And I’ve got nothing to talk about… Nothing! But that’s all going to change next week.”

Clark will soon be able to tell his story. Plans have been finalized to have a highly-invasive exploratory surgery next week at the Ogart Community Hospital. “They’re basically going to pull all my insides out and give them a good once-over! Surely, they’ll find something, right?” Clark says with forced smile of his overly-moist lips.

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