Hams Must Hold It As Dayton Says No To Restrooms

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By K5PO, on the scene

DAYTON, Ohio — Dayton Hamvention Site Director Mikey Stapp sent an email to all registered Dayton attendees yesterday notifying them of a new “No Restroom” policy at the 2013 Hamvention.

Go before you get to Dayton, say Hamvention officials.

Go before you get to Dayton, say Hamvention officials.

Much was made about an infamous event at the 2011 Dayton Hamvention where human waste erupted into the flea market area outside, sending a foul stench through the warm summer air. Stapp said they had to take dire measures to prevent a re-occurrence.

“Everyone regrets the sewage ‘incident’ of 2011,” said Stapp. “We couldn’t believe it when we smelled it! Phew, buddy!” said Stapp. He said a discussion at the recent Dayton Hamvention Onsite Services Subcommittee concluded with only one viable option. “We’re just not going to have any toilets onsite.”

Stapp continued, “The problem from 2011 was that the raw potty-output of the collective attendees simply exceeded the sewer infrastructure of this part of Dayton. At first, we considered using only porta-potties for 2013 to avoid the existing infrastructure concerns, but that would require so much porta-potty real estate we’d have to cancel the outdoor flea market altogether. Ultimately, we determined that if we kept all sewage offsite, we’d just be so much ‘fresher’ and wouldn’t have to worry at all about foul smells or explosive sewage disasters.”

“I sent the email yesterday because I wanted to suggest everyone ‘go before they get here.’ If they all go at their respective hotels, motels, rest stops, and gas stations before they arrive, we’ll spread the crap-load around the town,” said Stapp.

Already, there has been a backlash to the new policy. Local hotels are citing they are concerned about toilet paper shortages and sewage explosions at their own establishments. “I think they’re just trying to make us buy all the toilet paper for them! In this economy!” said Wally Mesa, owner of the local Days Inn.

The Bald Ones Ham Radio Club from Rockford Falls, Minn., planned to make the trip to Dayton this year and also expressed concern. “This policy may be fine for Bill Folden since he has that catheter, but I don’t go in a bag, and my bladder just ain’t what it used to be!” said an angry Club President Johnson Nesmith, who also acknowledged some recent prostate problems. “Well, sure I’ll go before I get there, but I have to ‘go’ about once every thirty minutes these days!”

Click here to read more Dayton coverage.

Guys and gals, please enjoy the humorous and fake news story below, crafted by the crack news team at Ham Hijinks. It’s a joke. Toilet humor, even. Yes, in fact, there *will* be full restroom facilities at the 2013 Hamvention. So, please stop calling and emailing the fine folks in Dayton with concerns. Now, back to the hijinks…

### hamhijinks.com

photo credit: Kate Raynes-Goldie via photopin cc


  • N7UN

    Just put a couple of ferrite beads on it! Best p-factor choking occurs with the Type 43 ferrite.

  • VA5LF

    N7UN, you owe me a new keyboard, mine's got coffee sprayed all over it!

  • W1WRA


  • Bob K0NR

    Since sewage output exceeded Dayton's toilet capacity this means we'll have to keep our output dialed down to QRPee levels!
    (Credit: Steve WG0AT via twitter)

  • VA3PC

    Wrong date! Should have gone out on April 1st. 😉

  • Every day is April Fool's Day with Ham Hijinks. 🙂

  • N1VG

    Forget weeks of preparation and thousands of dollars in transportation and printing costs – I think I'm going to skip selling products this year and just bring a trailer full of clean portapotties. Only $5 per use! I'll be rich.

Leave a QSL, OM